Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied "You can't do this - I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger "give me MY money!"
Tom and Dick went to hear a politician speak. Tom nods off and when he wakes up he finds the politician is still talking.
"Hasn't he finished?" he says to Dick.
"He finished about half an hour ago," replies Dick. "But he hasn't stopped yet."