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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Friday Funny, errr make that Silly Saturday

Friday Funny was pre-empted by my "new" saddle post, sorry if any of you happen to stop by specifically for it.
This was e-mailed to me awhile ago.  I hope no one is offended, it is just a joke and pokes fun at alot of countries - including my own:


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in  1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!",  "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level..................

8 comments:

  1. As an English man living in Scotland, who has Australian origins, with parents living in New Zealand, an uncle in Spain, and Aunts in Italy and Germany, plus sister who resides in Brussels! Thats a pretty good funny!!!!!!!Lol!

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  2. i applied for my permanent visa this week, after proving i learned the language, am still married and insured, have not commited crimes or felonies, and answered correctly to the following three questions:

    have you ever been involved in a terrorist group?

    have you ever been involved in a group that is deemed illegal?

    have you any intention of disrupting democracy in germany?

    *lol*

    i think i answered correctly, we'll see!

    ~lytha

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  3. I got this too a while back. It was funny then. Still funny now.

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  4. I thought of Cheyenne as soon as I read this, being the Scotsman that he is, and was going to point it out to him but I see he's already had a good laugh, me too.

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  5. I think we should use something similar for our alerts. I mean, seriously, who listens to or hears that recorded voice anymore: "The current level of threat is: Orange" and what do those colors mean anymore?? Shouldn't the bright happy colors like red and orange and yellow be about less fear and the darker colors like blue and black be about more fear?
    see how confusing?
    Imagine it:
    "The current level of threat is: 'Pissed Off!' or 'Bloody Nuisance!'"
    It would definitely get more attention, for a while anyway.
    And the voice shouldn't be recorded, it should be somebody saying or yelling it.
    I'm just sayin'.
    - The Equestrian Vagabond

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